Trump This

As the feeble Liverpool Planning Committee once more bows its collective knee to the mayor’s diktat and hands Redrow another bargain at Calderstones, there is fresh news of another developer with no regard for truth or people. I refer, of course, to Donald Trump, unbelievably president of the United States.

Once Speaker Bercow had vetoed him from feeding his massive ego in the Palace of Westminster, officials of the British government were left with a real challenge: where could they muster a mass audience to satisfy Trump’s lust for a crowd’s attention? Apparently, they came up with two options: Wembley Stadium, or the National Exhibition Centre in Birmingham. I posit a third alternative – Liverpool’s own Echo Arena.

The more that one thinks about it, the more sense it makes. After all, Liverpool is a city that is “open for business”, one which already entertains crooks and charlatans as an integral part of its economic fabric, making fortunes at the taxpayers’ expense. Additionally, the President and the Mayor have a lot in common – that is, other than the comb-over hair. Both are taken with developers and obsessed with their egos, with little time for practical politics. Both fume at any criticism (not that the local media would have anything but sycophantic praise) and are prone to knee-jerk (and embarrassing) social media gaffes. Neither has a discernible strategy, and both have a hugely inflated sense of their own abilities. They would get on well.

Not that the possibilities stop there with a mutual admiration society. A visit by President Trump might well lead to other benefits. Why not tap him up for, not one, but two, Trump Towers – one each on the effectively defunct Wirral Waters, the other on the correspondingly bleak Liverpool Waters? The Peel Group would be overjoyed by the added value to their existing land bank. Surely, they would jump at the chance of even a partial step towards their unrealisable notion of a Manhattan-on-the-Mersey. Peel could even park up Air Force One at Speke. Joe would pick up the tab – he normally does so for them.

As a dog leaves its smell, Trump has a penchant for leaving his name on buildings. Perhaps a sign of good faith would be to rename Cunard Buildings as the Donald Dive or something similar, in recognition of our eponymous hero. He would be flattered by that, although I am sure that some sycophant somewhere would upstage the mayor by renaming a whole town Trump Town!!

There is another area, however, in which our two leaders might find common ground. I refer to Trump University. In America, it was a flop and a fraud – pregnant with promise but deficient on delivery. It was a means to bolster the Trump income via worthless promises. Now, a politician might say that that sounds like the mayor’s election manifesto – weasel words and hot air. I will not. However, such mere details should not deter Donald and Joe from making use of the brand.

Rather, it may be the vehicle to help out both parties. The Mayor could explain away the overloading, via developers, of Liverpool with student flats. Post Brexit, and the expected decline in student numbers, Trump University could rise to the rescue. President Trump could redesignate as students, all potential travellers to the USA from his seven blacklisted countries. Joe could negotiate “the deal“ with Donald to house them in the blocks of jerry-built flats, safeguarding America, home of the brave.

Well, it is only a suggestion…!!


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